A reflection on badassery
bad·ass·e·ry | \ ˈbad-¦a-sə-rē \
1. The state or condition of being a badass: badass quality or character
2. The actions or behaviour characteristic of a badass
bad·ass | \ ˈbad-ˌas \
2. Of formidable strength or skill
One of my best friends stopped through town this past weekend. In addition to sharing delicious food and drink and overall inspiring conversation, specifically we discussed the notion of “badassery”—what it is (IMO, overall impressiveness) and how to both recognize and celebrate this state of mind, in others and in ourselves.
It’s this last part…badassery in ourselves…that kept me up at night: why is it so much easier to acknowledge it in anyone other than in ourselves?
For me, growing up, I often felt simultaneously too much and not enough. Compounded across the years, this resulted in my silencing my own voice for fear of both overwhelming and disappointing. I have seen this manifest in my personal relationships (romantic and otherwise) as well as in my career, leading to unfulfilled connections and unrealized dreams.
I thought I was playing it safe by shrinking myself in relationships and at work; by not sharing my wants and needs; by avoiding direct conflict (read: by being passive-aggressive). I thought that by minimizing exposure to hurt, I could minimize actual hurt.
But I was wrong. I wasn’t playing it safe, I was playing it small. By shrinking, by not sharing, by avoiding, I didn’t minimize my potential for suffering. Rather, I minimized the ability of people to get to know me—the real me—and thus the potential for relationship, for fulfillment, for joy. For living authentically.
Instead, I want to play it brave, to play it big. I want to amplify my voice. I want to embrace my “too much” and “not enough”. Here’s a start: I acknowledge that I am kind without being soft; I care about people without being a pushover; I demand the best in people but no more than what I demand of myself. I am impressive. I am a badass. I recognize it. I celebrate it.
As r.h. sims wrote in another one of his gems:
She’s a badass with a good heart, soft but strong. Unapologetic and honest. She’s the type of women you go to war beside, she’s the type of woman you marry.
She, he, we, you, they, I. For those who deserve us, ourselves included, we are not too much; we are more than enough. We are the epitome of badassery.
