What are yours?
If any of the themes below resonate with you, I’d love to hear from you.
with love ✨, CATHERINE
Observations on moving, breathing and being. These are mine.
I’ve been writing them down since 2020.
I took a long pause. I’m back now.
On beginning again
I woke up this morning, as did those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, to the Spring Equinox, the beginning of a new season and that which comes with it— light, energy, hope. We awaken from the months of the Winter prior, whereby we operated at a slower pace.
Yet we weren’t quiet. Underneath the surface, sometimes hidden from ourselves, seeds were being planted, preparing us for what’s to come.
On perfectionism
I’ve struggled over the years with playfulness. I believe we are all innately playful, yet somehow I’ve allowed that natural tendency to be suppressed, year after year, due to my greater struggle—perfectionism.
I used to think perfectionism was a badge of honour. Oh, how I was wrong! Rather, it’s been one of my greatest sources of weakness over the years.
On Spring cleaning
Tomorrow marks the Spring Equinox for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere—when day and night are of equal length with the sun crossing the equator, promising longer days and signaling rebirth all around us. In many ways, this time period feels like the beginning of the new year, providing an opportunity to reflect more so than the busy, distracting holiday season that is the end of the calendar year.
On the power of choice
How has January already come and gone? It feels like just yesterday when I shared my first post of the year On Beginnings, and here we are on the last Friday of the month, a fifth Friday at that.
I also don’t know how a whole year has already come and gone, either. It seems like a lifetime ago that it was January 29, 2020. And in many ways, it has been. We’re now in a #newnormal, or #nownormal, of a global pandemic that has shaken all aspects of our lives.
This time last year, I was planning my first road trip with my partner, and though a relatively new relationship, I thought it was my forever one. I was coming off the heels of an informal year-end review with my CEO, in which it was mentioned I could be her successor, so while the job was not without its challenges and concerns, I thought it was at least a long-term one. And I still had my buddy of ten years, Pedro (aka, Peter Rabbit), and though I knew his life was not infinite, I sort of hoped he’d defeat the odds.
Not four months later, all that had changed. Pedro had passed ten days after that, my relationship ended three months after that and my job three weeks after that (and COVID-19 had been declared a pandemic some time in-between)…
Beginnings (part 1)
Happy New Year!
I don’t know about you, but since Christmas Day, I’ve felt this tremendous pressure to be ready and able to leave all of 2020 behind as the calendar ushers us into 2021. Willing, yes! But ready? And able?
I’ve wrestled with thoughts such as, I haven’t done this yet or I haven’t solved for that yet or I haven’t come close to fixing that yet. I’ve especially wrangled with, but I don’t want to take this <<hurt, pain, ache, fear, dread>> with me into the next year—I need more time!.
Side note: don’t get me wrong. I’ve also had countless moments since early May all the way to as recently as yesterday when I've told 2020 to go f' itself, begging it to be 2021 already.
And then the clock struck 12. 2020 was over; 2021 had begun.
I let out an audible sigh of relief.
No longer was there this unrealistic pressure of out with the old, in with the new but rather an acknowledgement that there’re still things to be done, solved, “fixed”; that there’s still anguish and anxiety that came along with me into the new year; and that that’s all okay.
Another side note: don’t get me wrong here, either. I still opened my back doors at midnight to let out the old year and opened my front door to welcome in the new year. You can never be too sure…
It’s all about perspective…
A reflection on initiation
…
There is disruption that comes with initiation, and with it anxiety and fear, often due to loss of comfort, of routine, of identity. These challenges in turn bring about overwhelm, worry, self-doubt.
No wonder we run.
It’s easier instead to hold on (to dear life) to that which might only offer a false sense of security and certainty, but a sense of security and certainty at that—less frightening than to embark on an initiation to…where?
As I received my invitation, I pulled out pen and paper (figuratively) and scribbled out my stock reply. “Thanks so much, but sadly, I’m not available. I’m going for a run. Maybe next time! Enjoy.” I addressed the envelope, put a stamp on it. I laced up my shoes, in fact, and placed my hand on the doorknob.
But I didn’t run.
Instead, I chose to sit…
A reflection on turning impediments into fortune
I’ve heard that vinyl records have enjoyed a resurgence of late. If you remember them at all, you might recall that they have grooves. Vinyls tend to work until these grooves become scratched or broken such that the result is an endless loop across the same recorded section…over and over again.
We as humans have similar grooves, too. And we also tend to work until these grooves result in repeated patterns of behavior, difficult to resist, that no longer serve us yet which we relive…over and over again…keeping us “stuck” or frozen in the past.
In yoga, we know these grooves to be samskaras…
A reflection on goodbyes
These words from Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar were what I chose for my high school graduation quote many moons ago. As a military brat, I’ve had my fair share of goodbyes over the years, which has continued into adulthood—from schools to cities to homes to jobs to family, friends, boyfriends, etc. And despite all of the many opportunities, never have I quite mastered the art of the farewell.
