A reflection on the importance of the hug
Virginia Satir, often referred to as the pioneer of family therapy, highlighted the importance of physical touch overall—and specifically hugs—when she equated modes of life (survival, maintenance, growth) with the number of hugs received per day (4, 8, 12).
The need for touch is real. It is a significant part of the human experience, connecting us to self and to others. Without it, we can feel deprived, even starved, for physical contact with another.
Touch has significant value beyond the psychological as well. Physiologically, hugs activate our love (oxytocin) and pleasure (dopamine) hormones while reducing our stress (cortisol) hormone. They stimulate our vagus nerve, turning on our parasympathetic nervous system (“rest and digest”) and turning off our sympathetic one (“fight or flight”). Hugs can also improve our mood and sleep and can lesson our depression and anxiety. In addition, they can decrease our blood pressure as well as our heart and respiratory rates.
In the nine months since the first reported case of COVID-19, we find ourselves hungry for touch perhaps more so than at any other time in our lives. Given lockdowns, quarantines and social distancing, almost all of us report significantly decreased levels of physical touch than what was considered “normal” pre-COVID, with some of us having gone without any.
Now, this reduction in physical touch is a sacrifice for the greater good, as this coronavirus, as we know, is spread through respiratory droplets. Therefore, minimizing physical contact is for the betterment of efforts to reduce its transmission. Sadly, we know that this virus has killed more than one million people globally to date, with the United States leading the world in the most number of infections and deaths. So please—continue to wear your masks and stay six feet apart, practicing physical distancing! I am not suggesting otherwise.
Merely, I am acknowledging that it is a sacrifice, regardless of how necessary. And with it, we’ve collectively experienced a range of emotions—from anger to boredom to depression to relief to loneliness to grief to worry to everything in-between. These emotions are all part of human life on a daily basis; they were pre-COVID, and they will be post-COVID. What makes it different in this “now normal” is that our typical coping mechanisms—including hugs—are not as available to us as they once were.
Some of us do have a partner, or a roommate, or a pet at home who or that we can hug regularly. Some of us live alone with none of those options at the ready. Regardless, all of us can find benefit from a self-hug, which is always available to us. In addition to the benefits listed earlier, self-hugs can improve our compassion towards self (and thereby others) as well as provide similar comfort and safety that a hug from another otherwise might.
I offer you these move. breathe. be. options for self-hugs that can satisfy our universal need for touch and its healing power.
Move.
Lay in Constructive Rest—on your back with your legs bent, feet flat on the floor and wider than hip distance apart, knees resting towards one another
Reach your arms straight up towards the ceiling
Bend your elbows, wrapping your arms around your upper chest, elbows now pointing straight up
Roll your upper back and head off of the floor, tucking your hands under the opposite shoulder blades a little bit more before laying back down
Note: if this is not accessible, rest your hands on your outer upper arms instead, or fold your arms just below your upper chest, or even across the abdomen
Play with the pressure of your self-hug, creating the sensation you’re seeking
Breathe six (6) cycles per minute—inhaling for a count of five (5), exhaling for a count of five (5)
After a few minutes, reach your arms straight up towards the ceiling again, crossing them the opposite way for the second side, holding for the same length of time
Breathe.
Inhale through your nose for three (3) counts
Exhale through pursed lips for six (6) counts
Do ten (10) rounds of this, every few hours
During the day, this allows for clearer thinking; at night, this allows for a more easeful transition to sleep
Be.
Use a weighted blanket or a body pillow when you sleep to simulate the feel of a hug
Even in this time of COVID-19, we should seek ways to thrive. Whether living alone or with others, 12 hugs per day can allow us this continued growth.
