What are yours?
If any of the themes below resonate with you, I’d love to hear from you.
with love ✨, CATHERINE
Observations on moving, breathing and being. These are mine.
I’ve been writing them down since 2020.
I took a long pause. I’m back now.
A reflection on uncertainty
I have a super power. We all do.
Mine? It's my strong work ethic. It always has been. I'm a believer in discipline and hard work, and I enjoy the focus, persistence and motivation that my work ethic both requires and nurtures. It’s no wonder, then, that a strong yoga practice is the foundation of my self-care and well-being rituals, as yoga itself is a disciplined, driven approach towards transformation.
However...my relationship with my super power hasn't always been the healthiest. I’ve oftentimes over-prioritized it at the expense of its opposite—that being rest, relaxation, “down time”. This has sometimes (read: often) resulted in overwhelm, disappointment, frustration.
More times than not, I've directed my work ethic towards externally, productivity-driven “expectations"…
A reflection on initiation
…
There is disruption that comes with initiation, and with it anxiety and fear, often due to loss of comfort, of routine, of identity. These challenges in turn bring about overwhelm, worry, self-doubt.
No wonder we run.
It’s easier instead to hold on (to dear life) to that which might only offer a false sense of security and certainty, but a sense of security and certainty at that—less frightening than to embark on an initiation to…where?
As I received my invitation, I pulled out pen and paper (figuratively) and scribbled out my stock reply. “Thanks so much, but sadly, I’m not available. I’m going for a run. Maybe next time! Enjoy.” I addressed the envelope, put a stamp on it. I laced up my shoes, in fact, and placed my hand on the doorknob.
But I didn’t run.
Instead, I chose to sit…
A reflection on thanks
I’ve been re-watching Apple TV+’s Ted Lasso the last few weeks, which if you haven’t seen yet, watch now and thank me later. (And if you end up doing neither, we must talk…)
I would describe the show as both positive and cheerful while also sad and grounded—and overall, inspirationally kind and vulnerable.
While there are many incredible lines to quote for those of you whom that is a thing—including multiple references throughout as to why we should strive to be a goldfish—there’s a pair of lines that really resonates with me as we reflect and give thanks this Thanksgiving.
Late in the season, Ted, played by Jason Sudeikis, learns of a very personal and professional betrayal and has the option of how to respond. Many of us, if presented with our equivalent of this situation, would likely react first, reflect later.
Ted chose differently. He paused, allowing for space between the stimulus (the news) and his response. He invited in his breathe to slow down his sympathetic “fight or flight” nervous system. He related to the injurious individual, finding common ground and connection with this obviously injured person herself. Ultimately, he humanized his response, forgiving her and finding the silver lining from this otherwise hurtful situation.
…(it’s) changed my life. It gave me the distance I needed to see what was really going on…you and me? We’re okay…
~Ted Lasso (Ted Lasso, season 1, episode 9)
The connection, Catherine…please…
A reflection on being our own CEO
“It’s tough being the CEO of your own life,” said yours truly to her sister earlier today.
And while it is—tough, that is, playing this all-crucial role of CEO—it’s also not a role that I’d want to outsource to anyone else. I and I alone can hold this position for Me, Myself & I Incorporated.
There are days when I would give myself CEO of the Year Honours. (These are few and far between, mind you.) And there are days when I would fire myself if I could. (Thankfully, these are also few and far between.) Most days, I’m an average CEO. I get the job done. I can do better in some areas, I could probably do worse in others.
How do the best of us manage?…
A reflection on possibilities
It feels like it’s been awhile since I last shared my reflections of the week. I suppose it has—looking back, it’s been three weeks since my post on sadness. While those thoughts were specific…to the end of what I had thought was the beginning of a renewed commitment…, I suppose there’s been a layer of sadness enveloping me for awhile now. I’ve experienced a lot of loss, as have we all—my relationship (now twice), my job, my pet, my sense of normalcy, even my ability to travel as I otherwise might have with this “gifted” time.
But I’ve also felt sadness with respect to the state of discourse in our society today—the sheer divisiveness in language used seemingly at all levels, across all aisles, surrounding all topics—and our inability, or sometimes refusal, to recognize our shared commonalities. As like many of us, I’ve allowed myself to become distracted by much of this, which has hindered both my direction and my momentum.
Politics aside, this election cycle has renewed my hope and sparked an optimism within me that the future is bright…
A reflection on sadness
I’m sad.
I’m not sure I can hide that I’m sad, and I’m not sure that I should. As Brene Brown says, “when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive ones”. I’m not willing to numb joy or happiness or pleasure anymore. I did this for far too many years as a result of walls I constructed around myself in order to protect me from, well, anything and everything—failure, fear, abandonment, rejection, loss, etc. I refuse to make this sacrifice anymore. So this then begs the question—what do I do with this sadness?
I embrace it.
While I don’t want sadness to become my norm, to be my home, I do want to invite it in…
A reflection on wilting
I came home from Vermont late Saturday night to find the flowers in my flower box underneath my front window severely wilted. At first, I cried foul—poison! Someone poisoned my flowers! Now, I wonder if they weren’t a sacrificial death—perhaps a symbol of the year up ‘til now, a foreshadow of what was still to come, a snapshot of my current state so I might investigate further the need for better healing options.
Flowers need nuanced care in order to thrive. Their caregiver must properly tend to their needs, appreciating how much sun is appropriate, how much water is required. The caretaker must observe the flowers with compassion, intellect and patience. They must be willing to remove any weeds that otherwise might stop the flowers’ growth, or to transplant them if they’ve outgrown their containers. The caretaker must provide enough nourishment for strong roots to develop and for the flowers to weather any storm.
We, too, need nuanced care in order to thrive…
A reflection on the Earth as medicine
I’ve been learning about koans—paradoxical riddles of sort in Zen Buddhism on which students meditate in order to uncover knowledge, intuition, enlightenment. This morning’s lesson was particularly relevant, as though the koan purposefully presented itself to me. Of note, I happen to be in Vermont for the week to ruminate more deeply on this past year-to-date and what I might (continue to) learn from it moving forward. So…you can likely see how this particular koan being the meditation of the day piqued my interest.
Other translations of the koan include:
Medicine and disease (or sickness) exactly correspond (or correspond to each other).
The whole Earth is medicine.
What is self? (Or what are you?)
There are many types of disease…
