On rejection
“The cure for the pain is the pain.”
The job search is hard. For anyone in it, you know it’s not for the faint of heart. It toys with our emotions. Some weeks are high, some weeks are low. Last week? A low for me. I had two opportunities out there that were good in and of themselves. As someone underemployed yet again, I had built them up to be great—end all, be all great.
And then rejection came. Even though the recruiter had encouraged me not to get too caught up, as the hiring manager leaned into one background, I got caught up. I tuned out to tune in. And I needed it.
The brain processes job rejection as it does physical pain. I needed to feel the pain, to acknowledge it, to recognize that something happened and to experience it. I tried to reframe too soon—‘every no gets you closer to yes’, I told myself. While yes, that’s true, I was in a different yes moment.
My yes was realizing that I needed to tune into my sensations to process my emotions, not just move past them.
So I tuned out. I didn’t reach out to friends and family. I didn’t go to parties previously committed to attend. I didn’t socialize with neighbors as I might normally.
And I tuned in. I tuned into my body and the sensations. The hurt in my chest. The lethargy of my energy. The tears from my eyes. I felt both heavy and empty at the same time. I moved throughout the house and life in general more slowly. I recognized that I wanted to be soothed.
So I used this same body and world of sensations to do just that—to soothe. I rested. I exercised. I gardened. I practiced more restorative yoga asana and integrated more pranayama into my day. I then listened to what my body wanted. Instead of my typical hour long walk, I laced up my shoes and ran. And I got dirty. I literally put my hands in dirt, turning towards my yard, pulling weeds, laying mulch, tending to something outside of myself.
And I asked for help when I was ready. And help came. My Co-Active crew showed up. I received amazing coaching from my fellow peers through which I felt the current moment and pivoted on how to view the situation differently.
Doing this allowed me to turn the page. To reflect on what I learnt that could carry forward. To reframe how I view this as an opportunity to pitch myself better in the future. To acknowledge that getting this far was itself something.
Pain is a part of growth. And while it’s uncomfortable, Robert Frost put it plainly: “The best way out is always through.”* Under Armour borrowed it. I lived it.
Difficult feelings can either be our poison or our ladder. I wrote about this once, back when I was learning to stop running from them. I remembered that I’d been here before, or somewhere close to it, and that I’ll be here again, probably sooner than I’d like. The difference is I’m getting wiser. I no longer fight it but rather move. breathe. be.
It doesn’t matter what the rejection is. The body doesn’t distinguish. It is the signal and the answer.
*Robert Frost, “A Servant to Servants”, 1915