On replanting
Home is where you lay your head. At least, that's what the military brat in me learned in my early years, moving around every two to three years. Not unlike Move Breathe Be's own mark, the dandelion, that scatters its seeds, not knowing where they'll land, trusting that they'll take hold, all in due time. I could learn a lot from the dandelion.
As an adult, I've become more rooted than I'd like to admit. Being in this job search has me exploring the right fit with respect to my next opportunity, not just any fit. Which has had me face the reality that my next spot might not be here in D.C., where I've made my home the last ten years, where I've laid my head for the majority of my adult life. Eleven years in D.C. Eight away between NYC and Boston. Ten years back. Sure, I've lived in different homes during this time, which required moves. But they weren't what we're discussing here. They weren't uprooting and replanting.
Mind you, it's been one conversation. Yet as anyone searching knows, you have to think about the "what if…?" and "could I…?" And you must dare to allow yourself to get excited, too, during what otherwise is a grueling process ("why not?!"). I'm surprised that I'm as anxious as I am. I thought I was more portable than this. I guess my roots are deeper than I knew. Yes, D.C. has always felt like "home" to me. But so, too, did New York when I was there (perhaps not as much Boston). Why, then, would I think this place also couldn’t and wouldn't be “home”, even if it took time? (Perhaps because of Boston.)
As someone who’s learning to listen to her gut instinct again, having perhaps ignored it the last few job searches—is this signal of a problem? Or simply information? How do I know the difference?
Yoga sutra 2.39 teaches us to loosen the grip a bit. And that when we do, knowledge of how and why might just present itself. Letting go is sometimes how we come to understand. So what if this anxiety were just what it is—energy in motion (thus emotion)? Nothing more, nothing less. And what if I could loosen just a bit to see what might come from the space? (And also so that I don't suffocate this opportunity unnecessarily!)
Not all of you are in a job search right now, thankfully, but there’s likely something else that’s making you anxious and causing you to hold on a little too tightly. A life transition. An empty nest. A relationship beginning. A friendship ending. A decision. A perspective. Please know that you're not alone.
I invite you to try to loosen that grip, to release a little bit if you can. Take a breath—a full inhale, a deep exhale. Maybe contemplate while you walk, or meditate, or journal—what might be revealed if that grip loosened?
For me, I'm remembering where I began—that I am the constant. Belonging travels with me. The home where I lay my head has always been, and always will be, within.
“True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.”