Your life can be both messy and beautiful.
Observations on moving, breathing and being are just that. At least mine are.
This is where I think out loud.
I get to decide how I move, breathe and be.
Since 2020, I’ve been writing about things that surface when we slow down long enough to notice—perfectionism, self-love, balance, sadness, choice, uncertainty, beginnings. These aren’t prescriptions. They’re invitations to sit with what’s here and to get curious about what it might be pointing towards.
Some of them were written in the thick of a season of major change. Some were written from the other side. All of them are honest.
I took a long pause. I’m back now. New reflections are coming—and the only ones are still here because the themes don’t expire.
On perfectionism
I’ve struggled over the years with playfulness. I believe we are all innately playful, yet somehow I’ve allowed that natural tendency to be suppressed, year after year, due to my greater struggle—perfectionism.
I used to think perfectionism was a badge of honour. Oh, how I was wrong! Rather, it’s been one of my greatest sources of weakness over the years.
On self-love affirmations
If we pause to tune inwards to our inner monologue, as happens when we sit on our cushion to meditate, we might begin to become aware of a lot of non-affirming self-talk and other negative chatter that appears to be on a seemingly continuous loop in our mind.
Try it. Sit or stand up straight. Close your eyes if comfortable. Take a few conscious breaths—become aware of your inhale and exhale.
Now become aware of your mind and its endless thoughts. What is it saying right now? Is it using positive or negative language? Is it using affirming or defeating language?
Spend a few more moments here. Okay. Now open your eyes.
How was that?
On knowing oneself
How many of you did the journaling exercise offered last week? It’s fair if you didn’t. It helped us begin to contemplate self-love and what it means, why it’s important and how it’s a challenge for most (if not all) of us.
In case you’re wondering, the questions and prompt are hard! It’s not a surprise if you haven’t done it…yet. It can be challenging to tune inwards and to see, hear and support ourselves.
So let’s practice. Let’s change the context.
Imagine now that you’re sitting with your son, or your niece, or your godchild, and you’re doing this exercise with this young, innocent soul. Would your tone be different? Would you speak more slowly and kindly? Would you offer more space, more pause? Would you accept the answers without preference? Would you allow the feelings without judgement? Would you hold this little person and their experiences with greater acceptance and compassion?
I’m going to guess yes, as I know I sure did when I imagined one of my nieces and nephews and practiced.
How might we start to extend that same acceptance and compassion to ourselves?
We can start by getting curious and learning about ourselves more…
On the journey of self-love
February—the shortest month of the year, even on its longest days. It’s home to American Heart Month* and everyone’s favourite, Valentine’s Day. So it’s as good a month as any to start talking about self-love!
We’ll explore this topic in more detail throughout the month, starting with…
What exactly is meant by self-love?
Merriam-Webster defines it as:
: love of self: such that
An appreciation of one’s own worth or virtue
Proper regard for and attention to one’s own happiness or well-being
Inflated love of or pride in oneself
Okay…we might not want to nurture that last part, but the first two bullets sound like obvious and noble goals!
Why does self-love matter?
A reflection on sadness
I’m sad.
I’m not sure I can hide that I’m sad, and I’m not sure that I should. As Brene Brown says, “when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive ones”. I’m not willing to numb joy or happiness or pleasure anymore. I did this for far too many years as a result of walls I constructed around myself in order to protect me from, well, anything and everything—failure, fear, abandonment, rejection, loss, etc. I refuse to make this sacrifice anymore. So this then begs the question—what do I do with this sadness?
I embrace it.
While I don’t want sadness to become my norm, to be my home, I do want to invite it in…
A reflection on the inner child
Compassion (def.) – sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress, together with a desire to alleviate it
Self-Compassion – directing this compassion towards one’s self
Yoga philosophy* teaches us that our true nature can become imbalanced due to physical, mental and emotional conditions. These may manifest as tightness in our bodies and breath or as feelings of restlessness, worry, helplessness and the like. We can work to reduce or prevent these imbalances through practice—moving, breathing, sitting—learning to nurture attitudes of friendliness, compassion, pleasure and non-judgement. These healing virtues, or “yogic vitamins”, have as much to do with our relationship with ourselves as they do with our relationships with others.
I have struggled over the years with accepting compassion, in particular, as a two-way exchange…
A reflection on breaking open your heart
For many years, I kept my heart closed in an effort to protect myself. After enough hurt and disappointment, I decided that my fear of pain was more important to protect than was my desire for connection to nurture. And so it went. For many years.
And then I found therapy. Similar to my first few years of my yoga journey, I showed up each week, rolling out my mat or sitting on the couch, thinking that that was “the Work”. All the while, I sensed these undercurrents slowly signaling to me that there was more to it. I ignored as much as I could, convincing myself for some time that just showing up was enough.